During my childhood I’ve had the opportunity of having very special conversations with my grandmother who was a confident. It started out when I came back from school when I was very young. I would always tell her about what happened there and who was involved. Later, during high school, I had many important conversations with her. She is the one who told me that if I would tell my dreams to people, I would remember them most of the time and that I could control them more often. So I would often tell her about my dreams and vice-versa.

 I must say that a big part ( a good part ) of my education is due to my conversations with my grandmother. At the beginning of the 2000s, she caught cancer and lost a lot of mobility and autonomy. I would very often come see her and grandpa. I’d watch hockey with grandpa on one television, and during the intermission, I would sit next to grandma on the other side of the house and I would watch some tv show with her. The great thing about this was that we did not need to talk about anything else because it felt for the both of us that everything had been said already. We just had to watch the show and enjoy the tranquility of the moment. During her last months we would watch the ” Lost ” series every week. I must say that watching Lost with grandma was something very special. The show was great and we would always comment and speculate on whatever was going to happen next, since everything in this show was so mysterious.

And then, grandma became very sick. I saw her on her deathbed and her last moments of lucidity have been given to me. When I left, she slowly drifted away and died some hours later. Surprisingly to me, I did not find it difficult to sleep that night. However, I realized her loss later during the week.

I had a dream that very night, and it was at grandma’s house. It was as if I came back from school, and she was waiting there in front of the large window next to the dinning room. Almost immediately I realized that I was dreaming and thus I embarked on lucid dreaming at that point. We started talking and it appeared that she was fully aware of being dead. The conversation was not as usual, since I usually hold some sort of higher power during lucid dreaming. This time, it seemed like my grandma was as aware as I was and I held no power over her. I told her that she should go in her daughters’s dreams too and that we could talk in upcoming dreams, that I knew that it was really her and that I would remember what she’d say when I’d wake up because of all the ” dream conditioning ” she gave me.

That morning, mom came to my room to wake me up and told me that grandma had died during the night and that she dreamt of her. I told her she came to me in my dream and that I asked her to visit her three daughters. Later in the day my aunt ( one of the 3 daughters ) told my mother that she had a dream with grandma in it. It soon turned out that all 3 of the women had seen grandma in their dreams in different ways. My mother saw her in a corridor, while one of my aunt saw her in a perfect-white aura. My third aunt saw her at our cottage in the forest. Most fascinating!

It stayed like that for some months. Then, I had another dream with grandma in it. She was at my mom’s house, this time, and we talked about very “dumb” things like how the kids were doing at school, the weather, etc… Then we talked about Lost! She asked me about how the whole storyline and surprisingly I told her each and every little detail of the show. Usually, when you come to talk about elaborate things in dreams, it turns out weird and totally erroneous but not this time. She told me she would come back to hear more about Lost!….

This kind of dream involving the latest Lost plot twists happened 5 times. Each time, I would talk about the different characters and events. One day, she came to me in a dream and it was at our family’s cottage. Many people were there, all strangers, and they would talk out of turn, and it seemed like she was deaf, mute and blind. I was on the other side of the table, and my words would not come to her, and she would not see me. This dream happened about 5 times too. I would never be able to talk to her in those dreams. This troubled me for some time.
Last spring was the last dream I had with her. This time she was standing on the porch of our house, levitating about half a feet over the ground. She could barely see me although I could see her very well. A fascinating detail: There were no doors. I was in the dining room, standing there, and she told me she had lost the power to visit me in my dreams because she’d been using them too often. She did not remember the house anymore, as if she was losing touch with the physical world. This lead me to believe that she could almost see things like we do, and that she would lose this ability as time would go, and that the last things she was able to see were us, living things. She told me that she might have to leave forever. I asked her to come back when the new Lost season would start in winter, and she told me that if I wouldn’t see her at that time, that would mean goodbye. I expected her to come back, but she didn’t. I had some dreams involving her, but she would always be mute, blind and/or deaf. I wonder if one day I will be able to talk to her like in those dreams.


I still watch Lost though… Pretty good show, heh.


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